I HAVE COME AS YOU HAVE ASKED

I've been thinking a lot about the woman with the issue of blood in Mark chapter 5. Maybe it's because of the suffering in the world that seems to be never-ending. Or maybe because she suffered for twelve years and I'm in year ten of insomnia. I would say it’s probably a bit of both.

She suffered for a long time. And since Jewish law declared someone in her condition to be unclean, she must have felt so alone. I'm sure she was desperate for the physical pain to stop, but the loneliness that comes with it, many times, is much more difficult. I know loneliness in suffering, even with people around you, the silence is deafening.

26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, "If I could just touch his cloths, I will be healed." Mark 5:26-28 NIV

And she was.

29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from suffering. 30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my cloths?" Mark 5:29-30 NIV

I love her boldness. She reached out to Jesus, even though she was terrified, knowing it was against the law. She believed He could do for her what no doctor could. And Immediately, she was healed.

33 Then the woman, knowing what happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. Mark 5:33 NIV

Only Jesus and the woman would have known what happened, so why did He draw her out among the crowd?

What we know is that she fell at his feet in fear. She was afraid. Was He upset? Was she going to be brought before the religious leaders for touching Him.? And what about the crowd, she had to be pressing up against many of them, wouldn’t that make them unclean as well?

I’d like to think that Jesus wanted her to speak her truth, for all to hear, so He could display God's glory and compassion? He healed her. He declared her clean before the whole town. He ended her loneliness. She was no longer an outcast. But He was doing much more, more than she could ask or imagine. He was redeeming her soul, welcoming her into His family forever.

34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from suffering. Mark 5:34 NIV

I spend many days in physical pain, but my deepest pain is when I waver in suffering. My thoughts bring doubt and doubts can be defeating. Questions plague my mind, questions like, Why am I here so long? Did God forget about me? Does He really love me? Will I ever get my life back?

Sometimes as Christians it’s hard to admit that we have these thoughts, but I believe most do and it’s important to our relationship with God and each other to be honest and transparent about our feelings. Transparency brings freedom. And when we are faithless, He remains faithful.

I reach for Jesus, but I haven’t received physical healing—Yet. I know He has redeemed me and is transforming my soul. He is taking me on a journey with Him in a very real, raw way. There are many hills and valleys, but I will keep trekking until I reach the mountaintop. He knows me perfectly; my desire is to know Him more intimately, understanding more clearly the wonders of His Person.

My simple prayer has been, "Jesus, give me faith.” And in His unfailing love, He has. I believe when we think we have God and His purposes figured out, He raises the bar. I don’t want to miss what He’s revealing in me, chiseling off of me, loving through me, and especially the hope He’s bringing to me, as He molds and builds my character.

My beloved speaks and says to me:

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,

and come away,

for behold, the winter is past;

the rain is over and gone."

Song of Songs 2:10-11 ESV

My prayer is that through God's word we discover the depth of God's love for His beloved, and how amazing it is that His pursuit never ends.