I remember, as a child, the sting of being accused of something that was different than my intention. I was often told that my personality was overly dramatic, or abrasive, or aggressive. I was a kid, I had no idea how to do anything about that, so I just tried to hide it as best I could. So many times I wished I was anyone but me.
As I got a little older, and definitely rebellious, I believed the lie that I had a personality defect. I lived out loud so to speak, resulting in many tears and apologies. And somewhere along the way, I decided what little I knew about God wasn't useful. He obviously made a mistake and He couldn't change me, so I walked away from Him and any notion that He would.
Fast forward to my forties when Jesus met me in my most broken place. He called me to Himself. He reminded me that He made me exactly as I am on purpose and He would use the me He made for His glory. However, I'd need to follow Him wherever He leads. After all, my ambition to fill myself, to fit in, to be accepted and happy (whatever that means) was such a fruitless and impossible endeavor. It's definitely been a journey (that evidently I'm still on) to accept me for me and realize that He didn't make a mistake after all.
Recently, I felt like that little girl hiding all over again. I've had to defend my intentions several times over the past few months. Remember, I'm a drama queen—Just Kidding (well, kind of). My reactions were sure dramatic as I camped in the aisle of defeat believing the lie instead of believing God. I often say that the Christian walk is as much unlearning as it is learning. I guess you can take the girl out of the bad thinking, but it's much more difficult to take the bad thinking out of the girl. I admit, I still struggle with wanting the approval of others. And when I let that take over, nothing good happens. I can easily forget that God made me me on purpose and I especially forget that I am fully loved and redeemed.
In the middle of my reactions, pity party and apologies, my Father gently reminds me, yet again, that I am His masterpiece, His handiwork and that He created me anew in Christ Jesus to do the good things, the good works which He prepared in advance for me to do. (based on Ephesians 2:10).
I want that, don't you? Don't you want to do what God prepared you—and for you—to do. He's not a killjoy. He's definitely not boring. Think about it, it's God we're talking about. He made us, how could what He asks of us not be better than whatever we could come up with ourselves?
There will always be times that we are misunderstood; what's important is how we react. I don't know about you, but when I take my eyes off Jesus, even for a moment, I can easily sting others. The ongoing reel in my head is, "Be quick to listen and slow to speak! Look back before you react! It will save everyone a whole lot of grief. Oh, and allow God to lead you to apologize with a sincere heart."
(I'm going to take a journey through the book of Ephesians. I hope you'll join me. I love this book. I think now is a good time to let God remind us of who He is and who we are in Him. But first, I may do one more post on God's redeeming love. Not sure yet, but stay tuned.)
Father, may we never forget the things we've walked through that led us to You. Many would say to forget the past, but I say that each experience You've allowed has had an influence in shaping us into a mold You can use to display Your glory. Help us to see the beauty in how uniquely we're made. Give us eyes to recognize the good things that You prepared long ago for us to do. I pray that the roads we travel in Ephesus bless many beyond measure. In Jesus name, Amen.
Have you ever questioned the way God made you? If you'd like to share, I'd love to hear from you.
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