She belongs to Him. God plants His seeds into our weaknesses and His strength grows out of it. When One with Him, we bear the fruit of the Vine. She is a well watered garden, set free and ready to be used.
The [Woman]: “One night as I was sleeping, my heart awakened in a dream. I heard the voice of my beloved; he was knocking at my bedroom door. ‘Open to me, my darling, my lover, my lovely dove,’ he said, ‘for I have been out in the night and am covered with dew.’
“But I said, ‘I have disrobed. Shall I get dressed again? I have washed my feet, and should I get them soiled?’ Songs 5:2-3 TLB
He's knocking, but instead of immediately getting up to let Him in, she hesitates. Is she selfish? I suggest another possibility; apprehension. If she opens herself more to Him, what will He ask of her? Perhaps, it's a way of holding onto control? Have you ever hesitated when God has asked you to go deeper with Him? I know I have.
In comfort and security her devotion begins to wane. I think we can all identify with her to some degree. Complacency comes easy doesn't it? I suppose it's part of the human condition. Our tendency is to not rock the boat. If the water is smooth, why make waves? My nature is even to get comfortable in the uncomfortable—it's easier than change for me.
But God has a much different perspective than I do.
Was she experiencing a dark night of the soul? Maybe at this point she has let Him into her heart as much as she knows how. Jesus continually prompts the heart of His bride to go deeper still. He knows, as a parent does a child, when we're ready to take the next step. But like a child, the journey is not always an easy one.
I don't like that it's in the storms of life that faith flourishes. I'd much rather it be while eating donuts and laughing with friends. However, it's pain that builds muscle. Pain helps develop endurance, endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens the confident hope of salvation (Rom 5). In other words, pain develops the most essential muscle we need for living—faith. The foundation of life is hidden; and it's either built on sand or solid Rock. Storms will come; what are you building your life on?
The good news in all of this is that He never gives up on us. He already knew we'd hesitate. He is not after better behavior, He's after your willing heart. Behavior will follow. He knows what you need more than you do.
“My beloved tried to unlatch the door, and my heart was thrilled within me. I jumped up to open it, and my hands dripped with perfume, my fingers with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my beloved, but he was gone. My heart stopped. I searched for him but couldn’t find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. Songs 5:4-6 TLB
From her perspective, she surrendered too late. She may have initially hesitated to protect her heart, but now she's broken hearted without Him. Last time she doubted her worth; this time the object of her faith is in question. It's in His silence she realizes her longing for Him.
There are times when God has nudged my heart to grow my faith, and like this young woman, I've hesitated. I definitely feel as though, many times, I hesitate too long. As my friend says, "I just want to graduate." The longer insomnia lurks, from a fleshly perspective I long for the day that I have my health back—but more than that, I want Jesus. Because of a flawed lens, I tend to equate His silence with abandonment. My desire is full confidence in His love, no matter what life throws at me.
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